Vanity, thy name is..

What did I learn this month? I learned that if you don't have all your Christmas shopping completed by December 20, that you're gonna be in big trouble. No, I already knew that. My Christmas shopping was actually finished yesterday. So there.

What I really learned this month is how to order a personalized license plate from the California DMV. I've been driving in these parts for decades, so how did this essential bit of Golden State knowledge manage to elude me?

Maybe because they used to be known as "vanity plates." And who wants to be thought of as vain, unless you're in politics or the entertainment industry? I'm no rock star and nobody has tried to buy my influence in ages. Sadly. Fortunately, nobody calls them vanity plates any longer.

So with my new Bolt on the way, it was time for some remedial education on what it really means to be a car owner in California. The first thing I discovered, much to my surprise, is you can order personalized plates for a car you don't even own yet. You will need to prove that you own or lease the car when you pick up the plates at the DMV office of your choice. That should be in about six to eight weeks.

After clicking through screens of small print terms and conditions (I think it was something about bequeathing your first born male child to Jerry Brown. Who reads this stuff?), I got to the screen where you select your plate style.

Wow, too many choices. I really like the "new" retro-style black plates with orange lettering that the DMV started offering within the last year or so. Those plates would have looked great on some other cars I've owned, but not so much on an Arctic Blue Bolt. So I selected the current standard white background with blue lettering. At $48.00 it's also the least expensive option. It's nice when what you want actually costs less.

It was also nice that my first choice for a plate motto was available. Maybe it wasn't already taken because it's really dumb, I don't know. Or maybe it's because nobody owns a Bolt yet so I was the first to think of this clever pun. I'm going with the latter, if you don't mind.

So, here are my new plates:

So if you see me around, wave. Even if you think the motto is really dumb, be nice and wave anyway. After all, no matter what they are called today, they're really still vanity plates.