'Twas the Night Before...

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the bevy 
Not an EV was stirring, not even a Chevy; 

The garage was swept by the owner with care, 
In hopes that a new Bolt soon would be there; 

The drivers were nestled all snug in their beds; 
While visions of tax credits danced in their heads; 

And I watching TV with a cat in my lap, 
Had just settled down for a post-dinner nap, 

When out on the internet there arose such a clatter, 
I sprang to my Mac to see what was the matter. 

I opened the browser, it said I needed Flash, 
But I knew I shouldn’t be quite so rash.

Then on my iPhone up came a text, 
To tell me the thing that I must do next,

And what to my wondering eyes did arise, 
But a video on YouTube of four tiny tires, 

And who was the driver of that cute little car, 
I knew in a moment it was Mary T. Barra! 

More rapid than Tesla her EVs they came, 
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name: 

"Now, Nightfall! now, Arctic Blue! now, Silver Ice!
On, Orange Burst! on, Cajun Red! on, Summit White! 

To the top of the driveway! drive away all! 
Now drive away! drive away! back to the mall!”

So from the dealers in to garages they flew 
With electrical charges, and lane assist too— 

With rear vision cameras, and rails on the roof 
They will cost you extra, and I have the proof. 

DC fast charging, that would also be nice
But it isn’t included in the base price,

Yet I knew as I began to clear my mind
That it was the best EV deal I was likely to find

Though even as I marveled at all of the science,
She said, “remember it’s not just for compliance!”

So I asked “when will I see this dandy new car,”
She said “it’s so near, yet nearly as far.”

As she sprang to her Bolt, I leapt to give leeway, 
And away she sped, right down the freeway.

But I heard her exclaim, ere she bolted out of sight— 

“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, and everybody else!)